Surrender and Sacrifice upon the Alter

"Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you." 
-James 4:7 

It's all about me right? well if your reading this, it's not about me, but rather about you, right? You are your own individual, therefore you make your own choices, decisions, life changing moments, where you go, who you live with (depending), what you want to be. Or do you really?
Looking back on this year (summer 2013-summer 2014) God has really worked on surrender and sacrifice. Although more emphasized this month then most, overall that's what this year has been about. Surrender and sacrifice of ones life to God is probably the hardest, yet most rewarding thing of life.
To give up all is to be given the gift that never stops. Giving up your life, your choices, your decisions, your future to Christ will not be easy.... it took me 5 years. But the moment He takes the control, the wheel, the rudder, He steers you through the rough water to freedom. He calms the storm.

Many have said the Peace in Christ is that He does not take the suffering and pain of life away, but rather holds our hand through it and walks with us through it. Through the valley He is along side of us (Ps.23).
God must be the center to have true peace, not a part to have partial satisfaction.

The Joy of Lost Rememberance

   Sitting here it's interesting, watching people walk by not even knowing what was done 1000 years ago on these five following days. I was listening to a sermon this morning, the Pastor was preaching from Judges and the passage said that all the generations that were alive during the freedom of Egypt had past away. The new generation had no clue about God and what He had done for them. The Pastor said "Sounds a little bit like today, doesn't it?"
   I am shocked how many people I have run into that have no clue who the Jesus is, what the Bible is and think that Christians simply believe is some dude with a long white beard sitting in the clouds! Yet it means so much more. Easter should not be a once a year celebration, but be an acceleration of excitement throughout the year... however do to the lack of education about it, even within churches, it is simply just another holiday you get chocolate one and sometimes presents.
My dad has been doing a sermon series this month that is not the common series. For example, last week we did not spend Sunday celebrating palm Sunday, now we did not forget it and say it is "irrelevant and applicable in today's modern culture and society", that is not the reason at all! Rather we celebrated and remembered Palm Sunday about three weeks ago. My dad has seen the importance Easter is, and how we should put more attention and give it more credit then is has had in the past. My dad, as well as I have seen that along with our culture, Christians have put more attention and excitement into Christmas then Easter.
   Now don't get me wrong, Christmas is important, seeing as it is the coming of Christ, however, it is the prologue to the story of Christs death. His resurrection is the last page, and his ascension is the epilogue. You see we have lost our excitement for THE MOST IMPORTANT EVENT OF THE YEAR!
Live in freedom knowing that you are free of the burdens of life. Live in respect knowing what He did for you. Live in constant remembrance of the joy He has given.  

Shaking the Chains

It weighs you down like nothing else. Day after day you can feel it beating down. Driving your face into the dirt, muffling your breath against the ground. Until you can't take it anymore, until it gets to be so much your stuck.
I will admit this was me... stuck in a world were every day was a challenge, a fight to be lost. Getting up and being punched back down in the ring. These last 3 days I could feel all the pressure from it, all jam packed, like cloths in a not big enough suitcase. It drove me to the ground, flinging me against it. I came to a point were I couldn't go on. A slave to my own demons, I had served them night and day... sometimes being released from there grasp for a time, but never from their sight. This was my life... wanting to be free of the chains, but holding onto them because they were the only thing I knew.
Last night was a night like no other, hard, rough... the shadows had consumed me I will admit. I had lost my way, straying from the light that warmed my face, to the cold dark pit I had let them dig and through me into. Who was I? Where was I? What was I? They began to mock me, laugh in my face... and I lay there, defeated, believing the lies and words they hurled at me. To them I was a rag doll to be thrown around.
This morning I woke, eyes opened to the new world that was tomorrow, but something was different. A voice began to speak to me... "No more" it repeated over and over again... "No more"... I heard the running of those demands feet... I had heard their approach many a time, every night they came to me, every morning they awoke me with their laughter... but this sound made by them was different, this sound was one that faded into the distance... the sound of running away... like the cowards they truly were.
The voice began to become louder... "NO MORE!"... like a fog horn guiding a lost ship to shore, it called me to the light again... I felt it's warm rays hit my face like fire, its hot air flow through my body, giving my lungs the oxygen they needed to produce blood.
I looked around me and something was different, my hands no longer gripped the chains... but rather were around something different, something softer, something warmer... something much much much more greater.

Although this might sound like a story... it is not, it is the only way I can describe to you what happened to me this week. This week I felt the presence of something not of this world, something I fully believe to be a spiritual war fighting for me... You might read those words and think "great, another religious nut.." But, that's not what I am... bet you have heard that before ;)... but just hear me out, please continue reading, because what I have to say is very important.
 Ever since I was a Christian I believed that God could fill people with His spirit, we read that in Acts chapter 2... if you don't believe me, pick up your, or a Bible and turn to it and read it yourself. But that is not what I am trying to prove here, so I will continue. So I always believed, ever since He approached me that one Thursday at Camp Cherith on the CILT town benches, that He could fill people with His spirit, instill in them a fire that never goes out. This I believe because every true Christ One has it, however sometimes this fire dies down, it is still there, but God continues to feed it... we just need to let Him.
Now for me, this fire was dieing slowly... letting as I will put it for now "my Demons" take my mind of letting Him feed it. This happened over a span of 8 years... two years after opening myself to these demons I realised what I had done, for the next 6 years I would try and try and pray and pray to be free of them... but for the next 6 years I would continue to fall under there rule.
This Summer however God revealed something to me, He told me "Nathan, this year will be one of the hardest, but greatest years for your life, spiritually and socially!" I heard Him say this, and went into this year not knowing what He was going to do.
Since the beginning of September He has shaken the very foundations of my beliefs, thoughts, and faith... if you want proof read all my other posts, they will show you my thoughts throughout these past 6-7 months.
But today was by far the most shaking... He showed this to me...
That He is instilling a spirit of freedom and revelation in the generation that walks the earth now, that He will fill the hearts of all and we under the name and through the power of Christ will shake the world.
I am tired of seeing and partaking in the running to our demons that keep a hold on us.. and so starting today I will seek Christ ONLY! I will pray that He and He alone will be my desire, as well for you!
So know that you, I don't know who you are, but you who reads this, are not alone, I am here for you, I am praying for you!
HE CAN, HAS, WILL, AND IS FREEING/FREED YOU! THAT IS THE WHAT THE CROSS IS, WAS, AND WILL FOREVER BE! A SYMBOL OF OUR FREEDOM FROM THE CHAINS OF SIN!

in prayerful love,
-Nathan

The Ripped Curtain

Sometimes we just find our self in a pit... in that deep dark hole we all know so well by this time. It's a frequent place, it seems like it was built just for us, a prison with the bars of black despair. We fall into it what seems like daily, we feel lost, forgotten, ugly, and unwanted.
I'll admit it is a frequent place for me as well... and most times it seems like I have just left for to go to the visiting room and return after only a short time. But I realised something about that place... I saw it from a different light, I cocked my head and saw it from all the other angles, and those concrete walls and black metal bars faded away, and were replaced by a thin little curtain.. a veil... riddled with holes, tattered and ripped straight down the middle.

"At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom. The earth shook, the rocks split" -Matthew 27:51 

God opened my eyes... that that "wall" between us and Him, isn't a wall at all, its a little thin, old, tattered curtain that was ripped by Christ 100s of years ago! That every time I am thrown into that cell of sorrow, and self pity, and sin... I can get up and walk out, and follow Him away from it and never return! 

"Suddenly an angel of the Lord appeared and a light shone in the cell. He struck Peter on the side and woke him up. "Quick, get up!" he said, and the chains fell off Peter's wrists." - Acts 12:7 






The minute we spoke for His spirit to intercede and help us, with all our heart, our chains fell off. The weight is lifted, because we are given the realisation that we have been reborn. Satan scared us and defines us with the past, God shows us the truth of who we are and to become! Our past self that Satan reminds us of is dead, and we are reborn in Christ, through the cross! 

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!" 
- 2 Corinthians 5:17

That barrier between you and God is nothing, it has already been taken away, that hole isn't as deep as you thought it was, those bars are rusting steel, brittle and weak! You are made new in Him and nothing can come in between you and Him. Life will be hard, don't get me wrong, troubles and storms will come! God is is not a magic genie, the cross is not the bottle you rub for your 3 wishes, rather he is the friend who walks with you, in understanding! 

"But that's not all. We also brag when we are suffering. We know that suffering creates endurance, endurance creates character, and character creates confidence" - Romans 5:3-4

"For I am certain that nothing can separate us from his love: neither death nor life, neither angels nor other heavenly rulers or powers, neither the present nor the future, neither the world above nor the world below—there is nothing in all creation that will ever be able to separate us from the love of God which is ours through Christ Jesus our Lord." - Romans 8:38-39 

YOU ARE NOT ALONE, YOU ARE MADE FREE, LET HIM SHOW YOU THE WAY!
 

A Lion with No Teeth....

You are not alone. You may be reading this and thinking you are alone, but you are not a lone. We all have that one thing, that one specific dark shadow in our life that lingers over us. In public we put a mask over it, so people will never see who we really are underneath. It makes us feel alone.
When I started opening up, I realized I was not alone, that my dark shadow was a common thing. Yes it was a unique struggle to me, but it was for millions of other guys out there as well.
I don't know what you struggle with, I don't know how big your dark shadow is, but I know one thing. Satan makes it feel like you are weird, disgusting, that you are different (not in a good way), that who could ever understand. I listened and believed this lie for many years... 7-8 years I have struggled with my shadow, it has lingered, and become something of a comfort to me, when I am scared I run to it. Why? b/c I am used to it, it has become a norm for me, I hate that dark shadow that looks big.... but that is all it is, a shadow, the thing that casts it is the smallest thing ever... b/c I am not alone.
I realized a while ago that God is much bigger. That He came and took that shadow away, shinning the light of truth upon the thing that made it... compared to Him, it was nothing. But He had used this shadow to do something, to show me that I am not alone, to give me the ability to make this post, to give me the knowledge to share with others that they are not alone in this! THAT YOU ARE NOT ALONE! 
So weather your shadow is porn, abuse, in and out of relationships, drinking, drugs, cutting, or even eating, whatever it is, whatever that dark shadow that looks so big, YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Know that I am praying for all of you, maybe not by name, but I know you are out there, and YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!

 "Be alert, be on watch! Your enemy, the Devil, roams around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour." - 1 Peter 5:8 (LIKE, but he has no teeth)

"Come to me, all of you who are tired from carrying heavy loads, and I will give you rest." - Matthew 11:28

Out of the brain and into the eyes of a stranger

Sometimes others challenge you to see things differently, to gain almost a better understanding of life itself. We can get so caught up in our own ways, our own type of thought process that we basically can't even see past our own nose in a way.
One day I was on the phone with a friend, we had not talked in a long time, in a way our friendship had been put on pause, this bothered both of us and so we had both decided to push the "play button" again. We talked about a lot of stuff that had been going on. This consisted of many topics, but one thing really stuck with me; seeing things from their perspective, seeing their side of the stories, experiences and thoughts.
It's interesting once we open up our minds and let someone else's eyes in there! Try it step back, see it from there side, from there views, thoughts, actions and expressions. I promise, you will start to, as Obi One once said "Go home and rethink your life" ;)

God bless,
-Nathan

My Friend Katrina

The first time I ever saw her we were all in a circle, she stood to my right, straight cut bangs hung just above her eyes, and her hair was long and a little frizzy. My first thoughts were nothing but a lie, "She looks like a geek." However three weeks from the day I would know that she was nothing like my first "thoughts", she would soon become a sister, and a best friend to me for the rest of my known life.
Her name was Katrina (not actually but for privacy purposes I am not writing her actual name), at first glance she was just any other girl, but I quickly learned that she was 5'5ft and was a tank. I remember playing against her in a game of tackle duck duck goose, she would like to think she won, however I know that I actually won the game! (this has been an on going argument for the last 5yrs). But back to the story, so we were playing this and Katrina and I went at it for what seemed like 20minutes straight, hair was pulled, punches were throne, kicks were...well kicked! By the end of it we were both covered in dirt and grass stains, and I had gained a greater respect for Katrina.
On the other hand, Katrina was the most caring, most helpful, and most positive person I had ever had the honor of knowing. For two months straight, as she life guarded our pool at the summer camp were we both met and worked she would ask me to come stand with her for 2hrs. In these 2hrs we would discuss things such as; theology, thoughts on God, faith, life, friends, family, what was going on, food, jokes, etc... Those times were and are probably some of the fondest memories I will ever have.
After 4 years of knowing Katrina, we had become more then friends, we had become siblings. She saw me as a brother, and I saw her as my sister. She was the first to know many things that went on in my life, my thoughts on life, and other topics.
But, (there is always a but), in March of 2013 she was diagnosed with depression. I remember her telling me this, holding up the anti-depressants. My heart broke for her, but I was reminded that I was there to support her. I continued to keep her in my prayers, she fell deeper and deeper into the hole depression can be. The deeper she fell, the more I prayed.
As this past fall came on she had grown very apart from all of her friends, including me. In all fairness I don't hold it against her! I know she will be reading this, seeing as she told me that she was very excited to see what I had to say when I told her I was going to post about her and I's friendship. So Katrina, I never once judged you for drawing away, I prayed for you everyday.
This past year was a very difficult time at the beginning between me and her. She had started to what seemed to be a "re-defining" of herself, however I would later learn this was not what it was at all. The things I saw without fully discussing them with her scared me, I began to worry. We began to see things differently, and deep down I had lost some respect for her.
However, this past month was an eye opener for me, and I believe for her as well. Out of know where God asked me to message her, to go to the extent of seeing if she wanted to legit talk about what had been going on. She suggested a phone chat (I know right, times have changed when phoning is the "if I must" type of thing). We talked for 2 1/2hrs straight. At first I will admit, it was a little bumpy, getting past the "How are yous" and "I am fines" and all that type of small talk. But after I hung up my phone I had gained a better understanding of her, and her perspective on many of the topics we did not see eye to eye on.
I will admit, we both do not see eye to eye on somethings, however we are closer to seeing on the same level then we once did. So even though this is true she will always be my best friend sister, I will always hold the times I spent walking, sitting, standing in the middle of the pool field, filling up garbage bagged boxes with water, and giving each other blind piggy back rides close to my heart and as some of the best, most favoured and cherished memories of my life and my time spent with my friend Katrina.
In prayerful support,  your brother, and friend,
-Nathan

Brazil, from questions to reality

August 2012, I stood in the middle of the field at the summer camp I work at, filling cardboard boxes with garbage bags full of water. I had a red cape on my shoulders and was talking with my friend, we were talking about missions trips, she the previous year had gone to Argentina, I being born into a very missions focused family had always wanted to go on one. When suddenly I had the urge to go on one that year. It came out of no were, but God said "Nathan I want you to go on a missions trip." Did I know where, when, or even how? Not a clue.
That following year I started it off with this thought constantly running through my head. "I want you to go on a missions trip." I remember countless walks to school asking Him out loud "WHERE! WHEN! HOW!" November rolled around, the first weekend of which is my churches annual missions conference. And again that voice called to me, and again I cried out.
After that weekend my dad was approached by an elder from the church, he had been looking at going on a missions trip with CBM (Canadian Baptist Ministries). He asked if my dad thought anyone would be interested in going on a trip with him, funny that this was the same time God was calling me to go on one eh? And funny that out of no where my dad asked me if I was interested. The moment he told me I heard that voice again "YES!"
Almost a year from when He called me to go, I found myself in the back of a VW car, next to a guy who I had met only hours before. I looked around, red dirt filling the air, sun beaming down, and feeling like junk after a total of  10hrs in the air. God had brought me to Brazil. And He used it to change and work in me.

The next 2 weeks were ones that I will never forget. I can not tell you everything. Well I guess I could but you would be reading a book not a blog at that point. But I'd just like to share a couple of my experiences with you and my thoughts about what happened and where God had lead me. 
The first night in Brazil was my most treasured and favourite memory of life and will probably stay in that position for a very long time. 6 hours after arriving in the little town of Augus Lingas, we went to our very first Brazilian church service. A small rectangular building, with a massive mural painted at the front and red stained lawn chairs, but looking past that I saw something beautiful, something I will never ever forget. About fifty people fit in there, ages 3-70 but no matter the age all had faced pointed up, hands held high, and voices crying out as loud as they could to the Lord. I had no clue what they were saying, but I did know one thing, that they were worshipping Him. I will never forget looking around and thinking "wow, this is what it means to have brothers and sisters around the world, this is what it means to have a spiritual connection, I have no clue what they are saying God, but I know it is for you!"That night opened my eyes to how incredible this trip was going to be.

For two weeks I was going to live, interact, work with, and spend time with 6 other people, 4 of which I had never met before. However as time went on, I began to love these people, I would joke with them, laugh with them, eat with them, pray with them, and grow with them. It made me realise, that I not only had grown to love these 6 people but everyone we interacted with. I had met so many people, 90% of which could not understand a word I said, and I could not understand a word they said. But they smiled and enjoyed our company. I remember the last day we spent in Brazil, Joyce, the missionary we lived with told us that the people here had enjoyed us so much. That they initially loved us, and were so thankful we had come.
Looking back on those two weeks, I learned so much, God worked through Georgie, a man who could not speak a word of English, but yet spent so much time with us and was our friend. He worked through the kids we played with in the dirt field throwing a beat up Frisbee and making bracelets out of beads, He worked through the woman who cooked us lunches, He worked through everything. And now as almost a year and a half has passed since that sunny day when I first heard His call, I thank Him for the amazing journey and growth He took me on.
I may never see any of those people ever again, until one day in heaven, but I still love them for who they are, I love them for they are my brothers, sisters, friends, and family.

   

Air brushing, Eye drifting, and Porn Surfing

 surfing
 http://bemalleable.wordpress.com/2013/12/31/sincerely-one-of-many-girls-who-care/

Being a guy who has struggled in this world for many years I appreciate Anna's sincerity, honest, and truth. I know first hand how hard it is to keep on facing ahead. The issues of an addiction to lust is not being addressed nearly as much as it should be. It is one that is real, that Anna clearly shows here in her blog post.
So I doubt Anna will ever see this, I doubt she will ever read this, but thank-you so much for this, believe me when I say that you have helped me in saying this! May God continue to bless you Anna, and may He continue to use you to encourage all those around you.
God bless,
Your brother in Christ
-Nathan