A Lion with No Teeth....

You are not alone. You may be reading this and thinking you are alone, but you are not a lone. We all have that one thing, that one specific dark shadow in our life that lingers over us. In public we put a mask over it, so people will never see who we really are underneath. It makes us feel alone.
When I started opening up, I realized I was not alone, that my dark shadow was a common thing. Yes it was a unique struggle to me, but it was for millions of other guys out there as well.
I don't know what you struggle with, I don't know how big your dark shadow is, but I know one thing. Satan makes it feel like you are weird, disgusting, that you are different (not in a good way), that who could ever understand. I listened and believed this lie for many years... 7-8 years I have struggled with my shadow, it has lingered, and become something of a comfort to me, when I am scared I run to it. Why? b/c I am used to it, it has become a norm for me, I hate that dark shadow that looks big.... but that is all it is, a shadow, the thing that casts it is the smallest thing ever... b/c I am not alone.
I realized a while ago that God is much bigger. That He came and took that shadow away, shinning the light of truth upon the thing that made it... compared to Him, it was nothing. But He had used this shadow to do something, to show me that I am not alone, to give me the ability to make this post, to give me the knowledge to share with others that they are not alone in this! THAT YOU ARE NOT ALONE! 
So weather your shadow is porn, abuse, in and out of relationships, drinking, drugs, cutting, or even eating, whatever it is, whatever that dark shadow that looks so big, YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Know that I am praying for all of you, maybe not by name, but I know you are out there, and YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!

 "Be alert, be on watch! Your enemy, the Devil, roams around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour." - 1 Peter 5:8 (LIKE, but he has no teeth)

"Come to me, all of you who are tired from carrying heavy loads, and I will give you rest." - Matthew 11:28

Out of the brain and into the eyes of a stranger

Sometimes others challenge you to see things differently, to gain almost a better understanding of life itself. We can get so caught up in our own ways, our own type of thought process that we basically can't even see past our own nose in a way.
One day I was on the phone with a friend, we had not talked in a long time, in a way our friendship had been put on pause, this bothered both of us and so we had both decided to push the "play button" again. We talked about a lot of stuff that had been going on. This consisted of many topics, but one thing really stuck with me; seeing things from their perspective, seeing their side of the stories, experiences and thoughts.
It's interesting once we open up our minds and let someone else's eyes in there! Try it step back, see it from there side, from there views, thoughts, actions and expressions. I promise, you will start to, as Obi One once said "Go home and rethink your life" ;)

God bless,
-Nathan

My Friend Katrina

The first time I ever saw her we were all in a circle, she stood to my right, straight cut bangs hung just above her eyes, and her hair was long and a little frizzy. My first thoughts were nothing but a lie, "She looks like a geek." However three weeks from the day I would know that she was nothing like my first "thoughts", she would soon become a sister, and a best friend to me for the rest of my known life.
Her name was Katrina (not actually but for privacy purposes I am not writing her actual name), at first glance she was just any other girl, but I quickly learned that she was 5'5ft and was a tank. I remember playing against her in a game of tackle duck duck goose, she would like to think she won, however I know that I actually won the game! (this has been an on going argument for the last 5yrs). But back to the story, so we were playing this and Katrina and I went at it for what seemed like 20minutes straight, hair was pulled, punches were throne, kicks were...well kicked! By the end of it we were both covered in dirt and grass stains, and I had gained a greater respect for Katrina.
On the other hand, Katrina was the most caring, most helpful, and most positive person I had ever had the honor of knowing. For two months straight, as she life guarded our pool at the summer camp were we both met and worked she would ask me to come stand with her for 2hrs. In these 2hrs we would discuss things such as; theology, thoughts on God, faith, life, friends, family, what was going on, food, jokes, etc... Those times were and are probably some of the fondest memories I will ever have.
After 4 years of knowing Katrina, we had become more then friends, we had become siblings. She saw me as a brother, and I saw her as my sister. She was the first to know many things that went on in my life, my thoughts on life, and other topics.
But, (there is always a but), in March of 2013 she was diagnosed with depression. I remember her telling me this, holding up the anti-depressants. My heart broke for her, but I was reminded that I was there to support her. I continued to keep her in my prayers, she fell deeper and deeper into the hole depression can be. The deeper she fell, the more I prayed.
As this past fall came on she had grown very apart from all of her friends, including me. In all fairness I don't hold it against her! I know she will be reading this, seeing as she told me that she was very excited to see what I had to say when I told her I was going to post about her and I's friendship. So Katrina, I never once judged you for drawing away, I prayed for you everyday.
This past year was a very difficult time at the beginning between me and her. She had started to what seemed to be a "re-defining" of herself, however I would later learn this was not what it was at all. The things I saw without fully discussing them with her scared me, I began to worry. We began to see things differently, and deep down I had lost some respect for her.
However, this past month was an eye opener for me, and I believe for her as well. Out of know where God asked me to message her, to go to the extent of seeing if she wanted to legit talk about what had been going on. She suggested a phone chat (I know right, times have changed when phoning is the "if I must" type of thing). We talked for 2 1/2hrs straight. At first I will admit, it was a little bumpy, getting past the "How are yous" and "I am fines" and all that type of small talk. But after I hung up my phone I had gained a better understanding of her, and her perspective on many of the topics we did not see eye to eye on.
I will admit, we both do not see eye to eye on somethings, however we are closer to seeing on the same level then we once did. So even though this is true she will always be my best friend sister, I will always hold the times I spent walking, sitting, standing in the middle of the pool field, filling up garbage bagged boxes with water, and giving each other blind piggy back rides close to my heart and as some of the best, most favoured and cherished memories of my life and my time spent with my friend Katrina.
In prayerful support,  your brother, and friend,
-Nathan